Clear is Kind: Stop Sending Vague Texts
It’s a Sunday night and you are cozy in your pajamas, reading a book or binge-watching a new show on Netflix when your phone buzzes next to you. You look down to see a text that reads: “call me.”
Instantly you panic and intrusive thoughts begin. Am I in trouble? Are they okay? Did something bad happen? What did I do wrong?
If you’re anything like me, this is your exact narrative when you get a “we need to talk” or “call me when you can” text message. I am officially petitioning that these texts should come with a warning label. Because when it pops up on your phone, it doesn’t just say “talk.” It says, “Prepare for doom. Something catastrophic is about to happen, and it’s probably your fault.”
It’s basically the adult version of being called to the principal’s office. And the irony? Half the time the “urgent” conversation is about something ridiculously minor, like weekend plans or whether we should make spaghetti or chili for dinner on Wednesday night. Meanwhile, the recipient (me) has already planned their own funeral in their head.
Let me give you a real-life example. One time my boss texted me “call me when you get a second.” My stomach dropped. I convinced myself I was about to be fired, that I’d have to clean out my desk in disgrace, and that my career was effectively over. When I finally called back, braced for impact, she said: “Do you remember that restaurant you went to last week? What was it called?” That’s it. I lost three years of my life expectancy for a Yelp recommendation.
Here’s the thing: humans are wired to fear the unknown. Psychologists call it anticipatory anxiety—that gnawing feeling that something bad might happen, even when nothing has happened yet. A vague text like “We need to talk” is basically an all-you-can-eat buffet for anticipatory anxiety. It gives zero context, leaves the brain spinning, and spikes cortisol like you just got chased by a bear (except the bear is your boss, family member, or best friend).
And it’s not just a quirky overreaction. Research shows our brains often find uncertainty more stressful than actually knowing something bad. In other words, most people would rather get clear, unpleasant news than sit in limbo imagining every possible disaster.
The funny part is, most of the time, people who send these texts aren’t trying to create drama. They might think they’re being polite (“I don’t want to bother them with details right now”), or efficient (“I’ll just tell them later”). But what feels harmless to the sender can feel like an emotional grenade to the receiver.
So next time you go to message someone, here’s what you can write instead (aka, how not to terrify the person you’re messaging):
Instead of: “We need to talk.”
Try: “Can we chat later about Saturday?”
Instead of: “Call me when you can.”
Try: “Call me when you can—I want to tell you something funny from today.”
Instead of: radio silence after dropping a vague bomb
Try: literally anything with context.
Clarity doesn’t kill suspense. It kills unnecessary panic. And if the news is actually bad? You’re still being kinder by preparing the other person instead of leaving them stewing in “what if” purgatory. I would rather get a text that reads “Call me when you can. Your mom is okay, but she got into a car accident and is in the hospital” than anything vague that leaves me spiraling in speculation.
Vague texts are cheap drama. Being clear is not only kinder, but also more effective. Let’s officially ban the anxiety-inducing “we need to talk” and replace it with texts that don’t feel like the start of a breakup, firing, or global catastrophe.
So here’s my proposal: from now on, we adopt a “No Vague Texts” pledge. If you send someone a “call me” without context, you owe them either a coffee, a cookie, or three years of their life back—because that’s how much stress you just shaved off their timeline.
Clear is kind. Context is everything. And if you must summon someone urgently, at least let them know if they need tissues, a lawyer, or just a recipe recommendation.
