Make the Holidays Joyful Again

I used to try so hard to make the holidays perfect. I said yes to everything. Tried to do all the things from my childhood. Make sure everything looked just right. Somewhere along the way, though, I stopped enjoying it. The shopping, the rushing, the back-to-back gatherings—it got to be too much. By the time Christmas came around, I was tired, stressed, and kind of over it. Not exactly the way I wanted to feel.

A couple of years ago, I decided to stop. I stopped saying yes to everything. Started asking myself what actually works for my family. What fits into our lives. What we can really enjoy. Just doing that made a huge difference.

The first thing I let go of? The petit fours. My mom om used to get them every year, and I kept doing it for a long time after she died. Felt like if I skipped them, I was letting her go. But honestly? They don’t taste the same anymore. My kids don’t even like them. And the price—geez! Letting that tradition go felt kind of freeing. It reminded me that love and memories aren’t in the pastries. They’re in the moments we actually spend together.

Then we started something new. A gingerbread house decorating day with my in-laws. It’s messy, loud, and yes, probably drives my sister-in-law a little crazy. But it’s fun. The kids get creative. The adults laugh. Everyone leaves sticky and happy. And everyone helps out—someone brings candy, someone mixes icing, someone cleans up the sugar mess. It’s chaotic, but it’s real, and everyone actually wants to do it.

I’ve learned that traditions don’t have to be set in stone. You don’t have to do everything just because it was “done that way.” The holidays aren’t about checking boxes or proving you can do it all. They’re about the connection, the joy, and the little moments that actually matter.

The holidays feel lighter now. I do what I can. I do what makes sense for us. And that’s enough. I can focus on the things that count, laugh a little more, stress a little less, and enjoy my kids while they’re still excited about icing and candy.

If you feel pressured to do it all this year, here’s a little reminder: you don’t. Keep the traditions that make you happy. Let the rest go. The magic isn’t in doing everything. It’s in making room for joy, connection, and memories that actually feel good.

Here’s to holidays that feel good, not just look good.