Stimulating a Growth Mindset in Kids
Plants, in general, like all organisms, detect and respond to stimuli in their environment. We make changes and adjust based on a variety of factors such as the weather, season, time of day, what kind of food and water they are taking in, and the soil in which they are planted. When they feel dry, we give them water. When the leaves start to wilt, we move them to sunlight. Our main job as caretakers of a garden or a greenhouse, or our regular old houseplant is to understand their response, stimulate growth, and change how they grow.
We often see beautiful plants and flowers growing out of concrete, with no extra help given from humans. In other words, something can grow out of many different scenarios and environments, even the harshest of dirt, or the best of the earth’s soil. Growth of a plant can be stimulated in infinite, and various ways. When it comes to mental and emotional growth, our children are no different.
Moving beyond photosynthesis and from plant to person, we measure growth and success in our children across many facets. We take continuous action to identify threats in their environment, prevent disease, remove triggers, and control influences. We also adapt our parenting styles based on a child’s age, temperament, who they are and who they want to be, and what goals they want to pursue.
In her 2016 article for the Harvard Business Review, author, and Stanford University psychologist. Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D shares, that “individuals who believe their talents can be developed (through hard work, good strategies, and input from others) have a growth mindset.” But what exactly is a growth mindset, and how do we help our children develop key strategies to build their identities, create boundaries, and discover who they are? And what does this have to do with a plant?
When we face challenges, receive criticism, or compare ourselves with others, we can become insecure or defensive, which can inhibit growth. Thinking and believing is not enough to develop a growth mindset. It is critical to adapt. At first glance, we may determine how successful someone is by how smart they are, how emotionally regulated, or what kind of good things they are putting into the world. Much like a garden with the richest soil, perfect amount of water, and best sunlight, we expect plants to thrive and become strong, resilient, and successful in their bounty and beauty.
Of course, this does not mean it happens without any help from us as parents, and any other positive role model in their lives. Take two very different emotions, frustration, and inspiration, for example. Both can lead to similar or very different responses in a child. When we build resilience, allow the mindset to feel empowered, let different people and appropriate experiences help push us past our comfort points or our boundaries, it becomes a challenge of whether we will work to improve ourselves and get motivated, or shrink and shrivel away. We can encourage a growth mindset thinking in our kids with positive reinforcement and by modeling growth mindset behavior.
I can remember a time when each of my kids was around four or five, and could not move past frustration when they were too little to do something. Most recently, my five-year-old wanted to climb the doorway like spider-man, the same way his brother did. He was inspired by the big kids who could do these cool things that his little arms and legs could not. When he became angry, we would take a deep breath together and I would remind him that he would be bigger soon, and he would be able to reach both ends of the doorway. He would try again and remember to take a deep breath every time he could not reach.
When my oldest son started playing little league baseball, every game, there were numerous little boys walking back from home plate, each of them crying when they struck out. The coaches would sit with each kid in the dugout for a few minutes until it was time to change. By the time he was playing competitively in middle school, he learned the skills to take his coaches lessons or his critique of himself to do better next time. He would shake it off, whether he was hitting or pitching, and try again.
Some people have a fixed mindset. They may interpret challenges as personal failure rather than opportunities to learn. Viewing every moment as a learning opportunity to grow and become stronger, better, more athletic, in the next move is an example of a growth mindset. Like plants adapting to changing conditions, children grow when they learn to respond using the tools and understanding they’ve gained. As I write this, I am thinking of something a client’s caregiver shared at the end of a session: that when and how we connect with our kids often matters more than what we say.
It is rarely the dramatic heart-to-heart moments we see on television. More often, it is the small, everyday interactions that shape growth. Validating feelings, empathizing, and showing children that we are present for who they are matters deeply.
I recently moved a sad-looking houseplant a few inches over in the window to achieve a few more minutes of sunlight a day, then I trimmed a few cuttings. Two simple things that took seconds of my day allow me to share the plant with friends, and allow the plant to grow fuller, stronger, and encourage new growth as well.
Dweck shares in her 2006 book, Mindset, the New Psychology of Success “It’s not always the people who start out the smartest who end up the smartest.” Do the best seeds yield the best plants? No. The ones who can adapt and respond appropriately to the many different responses the plant is exposed to over time are usually the most well-adjusted and successful. Kids with a growth mindset understand that challenges are an important part of growth, and they are willing to put in the hard work necessary to achieve their goals.
When we focus on growth and the journey rather than just outcomes support kids through setbacks, and encourage our children to reach their full potential, both kids and our plants will thrive throughout life.
Read more:
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Hardcover – February 28, 2006 by Carol S. Dweck
