As a creative free spirit, I have often shunned structure, routines, and rituals as confining, boring, and stifling to the imaginative soul. However, now that I have reached my late twenties, I am beginning to see that an undisciplined life leads to chaos, confusion, and inaction. I’m learning that order is the necessary foundation for building a beautiful life. 

As Valentine’s Day fast approaches, I’ve been thinking more and more about self love expressed through self compassion. For a long time during the pandemic I struggled to feel a sense of purpose, to enjoy life, to get out of bed, to dig myself out of the hole of depression and anxiety that I felt myself sinking into. There were weeks that bled into months where doing simple tasks like brushing my teeth, putting on something other than the sweatpants I had been wearing for days, or channeling even an ounce of productivity felt insurmountable. I was tired all the time. I wasn’t doing the things I usually loved to do. I looked forward to going to sleep each night because being awake felt like a constant state of stress and guilt for not accomplishing more.

Do you find yourself saying “I’m sorry” all the time? You forget to text your friend back. I’m sorry. You accidentally bump into someone at the grocery store. I’m sorry. You sneeze in the middle of a meeting. That’s right—I’m sorry. If you’ve said yes to any of those statements, this blog is for you. (Also, if you deeply relate to Demi Lovato’s hit song “Sorry not Sorry” this is your kind of blog.)

No one can prepare you for the loneliness that accompanies motherhood. It can be extremely isolating. One minute you are a single person in the world and the next minute you are expected to keep a teeny tiny human fed and alive— without a user’s guide or manual. 

When I was younger, my friends and I always asked each other what our New Year's resolutions were. They typically revolved around getting rid of acne, working out more or getting better grades in school. Honestly, it sometimes turned into a competition to see who had better resolutions (I’m not even joking). However, these goals we set for ourselves were only important for that first week or two of the new year; after that, the resolutions would be forgotten.

Ever since quarantine started back in March, I subconsciously feared the winter months that would inevitably return. I think what gave so much of us hope (especially on the east coast) during the beginning of the covid outbreak was that summer was on its way, and we would, at the very least, be able to spend time outside under the sun. We needed those hot summer days with iced coffee, evening drives with the windows down, socially distanced park picnics that provided much needed in-person human connection.

Last year, I met someone and fell for them… hard. I thought I had met my person, which I think sounded a little crazy to some of my friends considering I had just met the guy. But in my heart, I felt connected to him - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

A teacher I had once told me to walk down the street and smile at anyone I see and think “I love you” as I walked by them. 

When she first told me to do this, I could only giggle. I thought, “Tell strangers I love them? How awkward.” But then I found myself walking through the city trying this out. I’m not going to lie, I felt extremely uncomfortable and totally silly the first few times I tried this practice, but as I kept moving forward with it I started to actually find a love in my heart for all the people I passed on the street.

These past few months have been some of the most difficult many of us have ever experienced. From escalating racial tensions, a divisive presidential election, and, of course, the COVID-19 pandemic, modern-day living seemed to morph into a crisis of apocalyptic proportions from the moment we crossed into the year 2020. 

I turn 31 this week. That’s right, I’m officially going to be an official “30-something” of the world. And you know what I want for my birthday this year? For us all to spread a little kindness.

It happens every few months or so for me. The noise simply gets too loud as distractions pop up around every corner - notifications enter the conversation unannounced, instagram posts beg for attention like a needy ex on New Year’s Eve while emails crowd my inbox before I’ve even poured my morning coffee.

You’ve seen all the memes and videos describing 2020— you know the ones, the “what I thought 2020 would look like” summed up in a photo on the left… “what it actually looks like” perfectly portrayed on the right.

When people ask me how I got into the profession of public speaking and blogging, I tell them that my childhood sort of set me up for it. My father raised me on motivational speakers like Tony Robbins and Jim Rohn who preached about following your dreams and reaching your goals.

2020 was going to be my year! I had travel plans; I was turning 30; I got a promotion; and I started a new romantic relationship over the holidays. My current boyfriend and I met online years ago, dated for a few months, called it quits, and then stayed friendly over the next few years.

Did you know that there are FREE resources for mental health available to you? As someone who [tries] to see a therapist regularly, but sometimes can’t afford it, I’ve always relied on the free offerings out there for mental health.

I’ve gone back and forth on how to write this blog post. About a month and a half later and I’m still in shock that my senior year of college was abruptly taken away from me. Yes, I know this sounds like such a small thing in the context of what’s going on around the world...but it’s big for me!

Let me start off by saying that my head has been SO dizzy lately with all that is going on in the world— my anxiety has been high and my sleep has been not-so-great. And if you are reading this, I’m sure you’ve felt the same at some point over the last 144 days, I mean 17 (right, 17?) days of quarantine.

I am turning 30 next week. Birthdays are important to me (you’re either a Birthday Person, or Not-a-Birthday Person. I’m definitely the former). To celebrate this important milestone, I planned a huge birthday party with 60 people coming in from all over the country to celebrate.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxiety-ridden, and full of questions, know that you’re not alone. As an extrovert who lives solo, I know how isolating life can feel right now with social distancing.

I’ve often said that addiction is the worst disease. As a daughter of a mother who battled substance use disorder and a father currently battling Parkinson’s Disease, I do not say that lightly.