Transitions
Life is full of transitions—some we choose, and some that choose us. Today, I’m sharing a personal story about moving across the world, becoming a mother, and finding my way back home again. It’s a journey through change, resilience, and redefining what “home” really means. I hope my story resonates with anyone navigating their own season of transition.
When I first thought about the word transition, I didn’t believe I had been through anything worth telling, until my friend said, “You’re moving across the world!”. Oh, right, I’ve been preparing for that for the last six months. Then I thought about how my life has changed over the previous five years and how many transitions have happened: marrying an active duty military member and becoming a military spouse, getting laid off four weeks postpartum and becoming a full time stay at home mom, and finally, moving from the United States to the United Kingdom –and then back again.
My husband and I met near Fort Meade, Maryland, in 2018 and got married in a courthouse in 2019, as many military families do. In 2020, we attempted to have a wedding with our family and friends, but we couldn’t due to the COVID-19 pandemic. That same year, we received military PCS orders (Permanent Change of Station) to head to RAF Lakenheath (Royal Air Force) in the United Kingdom for four years. (The military loves their acronyms, by the way.) At the time, we had my nine-year-old dog, Bailey, to worry about shipping across the world among our belongings. We lived in a two-bedroom apartment and had a small storage unit full –nothing too crazy. But what I was also worried about was: How do I keep my job?
Luckily, I worked for a great tech company that allowed me to transition my job overseas remotely. We had already been working remotely since March 2020, so doing it in another country was seamless in 2021. I worked EST hours for about three months before working GMT hours, which made my life a lot easier than working a night shift. I stayed at the same company until it was bought out by another, making things not so easy anymore. Unfortunately, I was laid off four weeks postpartum in 2023. I went from a full-time career woman to a full-time stay-at-home mom.
Shipping my dog overseas was the biggest obstacle, especially in the height of the pandemic in 2020. The UK had (and still has) many laws and requirements, and the military didn’t pay for any of it. We shipped Bailey through British Airways cargo, hired a dog broker to handle all the necessary paperwork, and paid $4,000 out of pocket. We bought a specific sky kennel and quickly crate-trained her. Bailey has never flown before, so I was anxious about sending her. Thankfully, she was on the same flight as us and arrived safely after waiting four hours before and after her eight-hour flight. Then, we drove for over two hours from London to get to our final destination of RAF Lakenheath. We quarantined for 10 days in a hotel on base before we could venture out.
Fast forward four years later: Bailey is 13 years old, we have a 21-month-old daughter, and we have travelled to 8 different countries and explored 25 cities in England.
Before meeting my husband, I moved around Maryland and North Carolina 11 times, so relocating isn’t anything new to me, however, it's always affected my mental health. This time, it feels different—heightened anxiety and irritability, plus navigating a move with a toddler. The stress triggers my depression, and suddenly, my routine is completely upended. Despite being surrounded by family and old friends, I still feel a sense of loneliness. I had imagined that people would flock to reconnect, and I would be busy catching up with friends, friends would meet my daughter for the first time, or that I would have all these plans to look forward to all summer. I thought things would pick up where they left off, but everyone has changed in four years, including me. My friends have kids who are older now, and all my mom friends work, while I am a stay-at-home mom. While I have support, I also need to put myself out there again to build a community for my daughter. Schedule play dates, explore the local library and children's activities, go to the zoo, etc. I also feel a bit homeless, living in a temporary space. We don’t have a permanent address yet until we move into our house, which is set for only two years, so it’s like I’m on vacation, but I live here again. Looking ahead at the positives, I will be living in Virginia, and it’s exciting to explore another state other than Maryland. Living in a Temporary Living Facility (TLF) for 20 days has been strange. There’s nothing to do and I’m forced to relax, when I haven’t relaxed in over six months. I’m in the lull period where everything is done and we’re just waiting to move into our place, where the chaos is going to start again of unpacking boxes, completing tasks during nap time, and trying to create as much normalcy for my daughter as possible.
In 2024, we received orders to move back to Maryland- not Fort Meade, but to Joint Base Andrews in April 2025. Given the current political climate in the U.S., I wasn’t entirely thrilled about going back. If I had it my way, I would want to stay overseas as long as possible. My husband, however, was ready to go back stateside having been stationed in England many years ago. In marriage, you learn to compromise and the idea of seeing family and friends again sounded nice. We were able to have three choices on our “wish list”, and Maryland coming up felt like a full circle moment as I’m a native Marylander and my husband is from Pennsylvania. He’ll hopefully retire from the Air Force in a few years, marking over 20 years of service. Wow, what an absolute commitment, right? I think my longest job lasted four years, and my longest relationship is my current one of seven years. Imagine dedicating 20 years of your life and retiring around the age of 40.
Also, imagine being a military spouse along for the ride and putting your career on hold to raise a family. Imagine being alone in a new country while your spouse is gone for weeks or months at a time. Imagine house hunting, changing phone numbers, finding cars, trying to make a house into a home, unpacking a hundred boxes, finding another job if you couldn’t keep yours, driving on the “wrong side” of the car and road, adjusting to the time difference, talking with our family over Facetime weekly, and longing for a visit from an old friend. Imagine the opportunity to travel, to make new memories, to try new experiences and customs, and to learn about another culture.
You learn to cope and adapt—make new friends, let go of old ones, and build your own sense of community. I was so fortunate to meet some amazing neighbors who became an incredible support system. The funny thing about the military is you never know who you will be stationed with again, and during the time we were in England, we actually lived near two old friends. So, who knows who we may see again? Plus, when friends move away to a new and cool place, you always have a place to stay.
When I would express the sadness I had about my husband being away to non-military people (we calculated a total of one year with a three-month deployment, and multiple TDYs (Temporary Duty), they would say, “Well isn’t that what you signed up for being a military spouse?”. Sure, I know that’s part of the life. But am I not allowed to be sad? Am I not allowed to seek support? Or am I just supposed to “suck it up” and survive—caring for my daughter, our dog, and our home completely on my own?
I was so lucky to have met some incredible friends who made me dinner, invited me over to their house for a break, old friends who would text and call me, and family members who Facetimed me. That’s what got me through. Of course, when we announced we were moving back stateside, everyone was thrilled, especially those who hadn’t met my daughter yet.
As soon as the new PCS orders came through, we started preparing: selling things we hadn’t used in years, donating what we didn’t care about, and trashing broken things. Clean everything, but not too early because then you’ll have to clean them again before the movers come. With a toddler who occupies my entire day, I had to be strategic –tackling tasks during naps and at night when she was sleeping. Making lists upon lists and timelines when to sell items we no longer needed.
And of course, different countries = different plugs. You don’t realize how many adapters and extension cords you collect in four years. We had transformers to use some U.S. appliances, UK car seats, stand-alone AC units, a UK dishwasher, and new furniture. What do we keep? What matters? What brings me joy? At one point, I looked at everything and thought, this is all just more stuff I have to unpack later—and suddenly, I wanted less.
How is it possible that I purged every year and still had so much stuff? I went through each room of the house and made three piles: selling, donating, and trashing. Then I went through our garden items and into the garage. Wow, I haven’t looked at what’s inside this garage in four years. The outside stuff seemed to be easier to get rid of because the moving company said we had to clean everything that “touched dirt” to be spotless, so I just donated everything at that point. I’m not going to spend my time having these items inspected. In addition to that, we couldn’t bring other items like: lithium batteries, liquids (there goes my cleaning supplies), gas, aerosol products, lighters, etc., pretty much anything that could blow up.
Why did it matter how much stuff we had? Because when the movers come to pick up your Household Goods (HHG) and Unaccompanied Baggage (UAB), there’s a weight limit. If you go over the weight limit, you have to pay out of pocket, and it’s not cheap. For a family of three, we were allotted 11,000 pounds for HHG and 1,000 for UAB. We were at 9,000 and 800, respectively. By the way, you can opt to move yourself and “get some money back” but in the end, is it worth your time? For us, no. Let the movers do it. If something breaks, you submit a claim. That’s what insurance is for.
What’s the difference between HHG and UAB? Household Goods are your big ticket items: bed, furniture, most of your clothes, almost everything you wouldn’t need right away. Unaccompanied baggage is your diapers, wipes, formula, curtains, bedding, towels, kitchen supplies, kid toys, extra clothes, fold-up chairs, high chair, fold-up table, etc –essentials to get you through until HHG arrives.
How long does it take? Everything has a delivery deadline—ours is August, and they picked up in March. HHG goes by sea, UAB by air. UAB typically arrives first.
Here’s how move week went: Movers came on Monday and Tuesday when they predicted it would take up to three days to pack up everything. On Monday, three guys arrived at 10 am and worked throughout the house while I took my daughter out for the day to keep her safe. Tuesday, my husband and I switched places, and I watched eight guys come in at 8:30 am to complete the packing. Wednesday we had a chance to run errands, reorganize the house for when UAB grabs the rest of our stuff on Friday, and clean. Thursday we had FMS (Furnishing Management Section) come to retrieve the fridge, washer, dryer, wardrobes, and transformers we rented. FMS had a set of standards on how to clean each item, so Wednesday day and Thursday morning I spent my time doing that. Throughout all this, my husband had to go into work Thursday to continue his outprocessing. By Friday morning, we didn’t have anything left in the house and it felt like how we first walked in there four years ago for a house tour. We hired a window washer, a gardener, and cleaners to come make the house spotless again for the next renters –none of which is covered by the military or renting a car.
Recently, the military added pets to PCS orders and a reimbursement of up to $2,000. Thankfully American Airlines offers a 50% discount for military members traveling on military PCS orders to ship their dogs via cargo for $200 but you must travel with them to do that. After many conversations, we decided to ship Bailey via cargo from London to Philadelphia, the only direct flight closest to Maryland. We didn’t want her to go on a connecting flight and cause more stress. Thankfully, my mom drove two hours to the airport to pick up Bailey and she made it safe and sound. She spent the next two weeks living her best life at my mom's house, sunbathing.
After the house became empty, we had a weekend of fun and went to a resort near our English house. It was much needed R&R time as a family throughout the stress of moving, and we haven’t even flown yet. We decided the best thing for our family was for me and my daughter to go ahead of my husband in March, and he will join us in April when he is done outprocessing. At this point my daughter has flown once for a couple hours and has slept in three different places: our old home, retreat, and hotel on base. She’s an absolute trooper.
We turned in the keys on Monday and at 7am we drove 2.5 hours to the London airport. Waited a couple hours before taking an 8 hour flight back to the United States. This was my first time flying solo with my daughter and she did the best she could considering the circumstances. I brought three large luggages, a small wheelie carry-on, and a travel stroller that folds up nicely into a backpack. And of course, I carried my child the whole time. Thank goodness for those luggage carts. Many people passing by were impressed with how I managed to cart everything around. I was pretty proud of myself, too. My mom rented an SUV and drove 2.5 hours to pick us up from Dulles Airport. I'd forgotten about DMV traffic, so the drive took longer than expected. By the time we got back to my mom’s house, it was about 10 PM GMT, and we were all exhausted—but we made it.
The transition for me is readjusting to life in America again. Immediately, I'm noticing significant differences between the UK and the US. The roads are so much bigger, as well as the cars. I did laundry for the first time and the washer and dryers are huge. And wow are things expensive. I thought the time difference was going to be the biggest challenge with my daughter, but we’ve both adjusted really quickly and are back on a schedule.
Fortunately, we had already hired a realtor to help us find a rental in Virginia. There’s a chance my husband could be stationed at the Pentagon so we wanted to find something that was in between there and Joint Base Andrews. We also wanted a place with all the amenities we need for a growing family, close to great schools, and with a manageable commute. We found the perfect place and we’re so excited to move in there towards the end of April. Finally that’s one less thing we have to worry about.
By the time we settle in, my daughter will have stayed in five different places. Now we wait until my husband's arrival, check into the base hotel and then move into our new place, waiting for our household goods to arrive, and enjoy catching up with family and friends in the meantime.
